Who Won the VP Debate

There is no easy way to do this. Juice Box and I decided that we would choose for you who the next President of the U.S. would be based on the results of a beer tasting contest. We paired the most popular breweries from each of the VP candidates home states against each other.

Representing the democratic party we chose the much reveled Dogfish Head 90 Minute I.P.A. from Joe Biden’s home state of Delaware. Representing the Republican party we have a brew from Palin’s  home state- Alaskan Brewing’s Amber.

Thinking this debate would be a shoe-in, we were actually surprised to find a deep division between the two beers.  Here’s how the debate played out.

YETI: The FUN-de-mental difference between these two fine brews was the outstanding track record of the Dogfish Head- being a two time Battle of the beers winner! Founded in 1995 AND they have a freaking shark on the label!

JUICE BOX: First of all, I’d like to thank both breweries from the two wonderful states in allowing me to drink their beers.  Our beer from the great state of Alaska was brewed by the hard working brewers of our great state and. . . I would just like to say we. . . they have been brewing beer since 1986- which is 9 yrs prior to when Dogfish Head was. . . has been brewed.

YETI: Thank you for allowing the fact that in your longer time producing beers, you have yet to make any true head way, as in figuring out how to get your fans what they want, more bang for their buck! Also I would like to point out that as an “energy producing” state you have relied less on nature and its beauty and more on industry and oil consumption. This is clearly displayed by your choice of label subjects. Yours is a diesel burning schooner, while ours maintains the strict adherence to reducing foreign energy dependency and connects back with nature by proudly displaying a shark (and no there are no freaking lasers on their heads to fend off the Russians that you can see from your home state). In addition I would like to state that we proudly brew beers well over your piddly 6.5% ABV. . . hell our 120 Minute IPA boasts 21% ABV!!!!

JUICE BOX: Well. . . I would like to reiterate that despite the content of our label- gosh dang it looks good.  I would also like to point out that my opponent would like to raise Alcohol By Volume to 21%  which the average American cannot handle.  We need to keep ABV’s low. It is “Joe Six Pack’s” family gathered around kitchen tables not “Joe Four Pack”.  My opponent wants to charge the peoples. . . Americans. . .$10 for not 6, but 4 beers at a time.  How can you justify paying more for less beers?

YETI: Underestimating the average American. . .classy. As for the more for less…Hmm lets do the math.

Cost: DFH 90min IPA $8.99 and has 4.32 ounces of pure alcohol which means you pay roughly $2.08 per oz of alcohol.

AA costs $8.32 has 3.88 ounces of pure alcohol which means you pay roughly $2.14 per ounce. Math does not lie!!

So in summation Dogfish Head is a better tasting beer with MORE alcohol period! And it costs less for more alcohol. With these facts in mind it is undeniable that Dogfish Head is the winner of this debate!!

JUICE BOX: You know, you betcha Alaskan Amber provides more alcohol per dollar than the Dogfish Head.  Yeti won’t admit that the beer is working. But never mind the question, I want to let you know about my track record.  I have reached across the aisle and tried both these beers and I am proud to say that together these honest beers have worked together to completely F-me up.  I’m going to bed.

Blanche de Bruxelles was the moderator for this debate. No beers were injured during this debate. No beers survived either.