Hind Teat

First of all, this is the definition of a Teat, as in…

“Man today I am really sucking from the hind teat”

Yep you read correctly, I heard this a few days ago from a buddy while we were cruising up a long pull of beautiful single track. The day was overcast and intermittently rainy, we were all on single speeds and slowly ticking away the miles during this unfortunate climb. The odd thing about this day is that I was staying well ahead of my buddy. Usually he drops me pretty quick. In case you are wondering he is one of “those guys”. Yeah I know you know the type. This guy would race the Clydesdale division and can get away with laying sedentary for months then get on his bike and HAMMER!!! Now I am no weak link on the bike although I am in no way on par with this guy or this gal, but I can hold my own with out a doubt.

Now the humor in the statement comes from the fact that I was in fact living out this phrase today, almost as if he had cursed me with it previously. Today I was riding in an area much like the one I rode when I heard the infamous phrase and oddly in weather much the same as well. Only this time it was me. I was vigorously fighting for any sibilance of success and as with most animals that are relegated to the hind teat I was in poor form and there was not much chance of me getting any better. So I did what any self respecting guy would do and I hammered harder and faster almost to the point of puking and barely caught up to the group, then came my salvation (or so I thought) a technical downhill section that I knew if I closed my eyes and launched into it I could easily keep up of not pass the majority of the group. Oh, how wrong I was! I started in the rear of the pack with the other hard tail single speeder (everyone else was on fully sussed geared bikes) and gave some space then quickly met and passed one guy then one of the others and just as I was ripping up the sharply banked turns and blasting through the loose granite turns the unthinkable happened…my left handlebar grip flew off the bars while still in my hand! WTF?!?!?! Cursed, I should think so! SO here I am on a loose decomposing wet granite banked turn weaving through rocks and roots and all of a sudden I am only able to steer with one hand! Fortunately I was able to drop the grip and regain control wiht out carnage. But the amazing thing of it is that the moisture from all of the rain had some how gotten between the grip and the handle bars and allowed it to slip effortlessly off.

Sheesh! The rest of the ride was mellow to say the least and although I was able to slide the grip back on it spun freely no matter how dry I tried to get it.

This story has no happy ending there was no PBR waiting in the rig when I pedaled up to it cold and soaked, bruised and battered there was just the task of loading the bike jumping in and getting home. I was truly sucking from the hind teat. No doubt about it.

Oh and yes I fixed the offending slippy grip situation so I will not have that as an excuse tomorrow when I get my revenge!